Buffy Kitten Poker

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But, he couldn't find him! Spike wasn't at his crypt. He wasn't at Buffy's. And, he wasn't at Kitten Poker. He knew because Buffy had checked for him. Where was the bleached blonde menace? Plus, William was missing again! How could he start a new relationship with Spike if he kept losing his kitten? Xander sighed, dropping onto the couch. Catchy song + Buffy and Spike = Very funny moments:) I hope you enjoy! Please rate and comment.:) Song: Hot 'n Cold - Katy Perry To watch my other Buffy th.

A/N - Just a quick thing I came up with when I should have been paying attention in class. Let me know what you think because I have ideas for loads more of these.

The cardboard box he carried was swaying dangerously as its occupants moved around inside. Tiny pattering sounds and high pitched mewls issued from under the partially closed top. The racket had attracted more attention that he had expected, several people shooting him odd looks as he hurried down the street as naturally as possible. The last thing he needed was for the police to stop him and ask why he had a box full of -

'Kittens!' Spike growled as a small paw appeared from a hole in the side and tried to swat at his hand with the tiniest of claws.

Readjusting his hold so his fingers were clear of the probing paw, he glared down through the top. A dozen pairs of eyes glared right back, the meows becoming even louder.

'You lot are ungrateful. Without me helpin', you'd end up some demon's dinner.'

The kittens, predictably, did not care he had rescued them. They were far more interested in escaping their prison.

He sighed, a long suffering noise that escaped from flared nostrils. 'D'you know how much cheatin' I had to do to save you all? Demons play kitten poker specifically to eat you. A little gratitude would be nice.'

William the Bloody was many things but an animal abuser was not one. Ever since his first kitten poker game, he had used his dubious skillset to win as many kittens as possible with the intention of saving them. Of course, none of the demons he played with had any idea. He still had an image to maintain after all.

Eating animals had never sat well with him. People, sure. Humans were nasty creatures to begin with. They were capable of just as much evil as he was, sometimes even more. Animals though, they were innocent.

And not even he could pretend kittens were not simply too adorable to be food.

It was getting late. He had to hurry or the local shelter would be closed before he got a chance to drop off his winnings. The first few times he had shown up, usually a little bloody from overzealous poker mates and somewhat inebriated, the people running the shelter had been wary. Now though, it had merely become routine. No questions were asked, everyone content with the knowledge he was keeping local strays off the street.

It was his good deed for the millenium.

The shelter, just down the street from the Magic Box, was still lit, the open sign glowing from the window. He increased his pace, casting glances at the Magic Box.

This was the most dangerous part of the operation. The Scoobies were constantly having meetings, none of which he was ever invited to, and he could not imagine what would happen if they caught him skulking around with a box full of fluffy kittens.

They would assume the worst and try to stake him for it probably. No, definitely. Red had owned a cat and not even Dawn would side with him if she thought he was going to eat the poor creatures. Curse of the vampire, every action just had to be demonic.

Pausing outside the shelter, he made sure no one was on the street before repositioning the box on his hip and shouldering the door open. One of those ungodly bells rang, echoing in the small space.

Buffy Kitten Poker Game

A woman, bespeckled with grey hair pulled taut in a ponytail, looked up from the magazine she was reading.

'Oh William! Back again so soon?' she asked as he set the box on the counter.

'I just happened on them earlier.' he said, watching as she pulled out one of the kittens for inspection.

It was a skinny little thing, too large ears sticking out from its head like bat wings. As the woman rubbed its back, a faint purr rumbled from it, the entire black body shaking.

'Well they look like they're in good health.' she commented. 'Not that I expect anything less. You have quite a knack for this.'

He wondered how she would react if he told her the only reason they were kept so healthy was because then they were worth more on the poker table.

'They find me.' he shrugged.

'You're being modest. One day I'm going to force you to tell me how you find so many strays.' she smiled warmly.

He chuckled, imagining her kneeling over in horror as he told her the truth. 'Well, I best be goin' then. Lots to do.'

'Take care.' she picked up the box and disappeared into a back room.

He exited the shelter and dug into his pocket for a cigarette. Lighting it defty, he stuck it between his lips and made his way towards the Magic Box. Light was peeking through the closed blinds meaning something was afoot. A little mayhem seemed good right about now, something to reset the cosmic scale. He had done good, time to let the Big Bad out a bit.

Flinging open the door, he sauntered in. Immediately, Buffy, Giles, and Xander scowled with varying degrees of irritation. The others essentially ignored him, accustomed to his displays. Dawn alone offered him a smile, gesturing to the empty chair besides her.

'What are you doing here?' Buffy asked, arms crossed as she eyed him darkly.

The defiant look was a bit lost on him, mostly because his chip almost ensured his survival. She would not dare to kill something as 'defenseless' as he. Taking Dawn's offer, he sat down backwards in one of the chairs and looked around the opened books scattered around the table.

'I was jus' takin' some kittens to the shelter and saw the lights on. Thought I'd drop by and offer my help.' Someone had left a box of donuts out and he snagged one deftly, taking an unnecessarily large bite.

'You, saving kittens?' Xander rolled his eyes.

Spike smirked to himself, swiping his tongue across his lips to remove any icing. 'What? Coulda done it.'

'You're a vampire.' Buffy said as if he were stupid. 'And evil.'

He held up his hands mockingly. 'Alright you caught me. I was lookin' for this vampire bint. She's bloody annoyin' but has the biggest rack I've ever seen in my unlife-'

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A chorus of groans greeted his words and everyone went back to trying to pretend he was not there. Not altogether bothered by the reaction, he grabbed another donut and contentedly watched the others labor through another game of find the demon.

Maybe tomorrow he would stop by Willy's and inquire about the next game. Clem had mentioned finding a litter of ginger kitten a few days ago and he had a soft spot for the tiny tigers...

'Life Serial' is the fifth episode of season 6 of the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Plot[edit]

Buffy returns from her visit with Angel, but doesn't want to talk about it. Instead, the Scoobies discuss Buffy's future plans. Not knowing what she wants to do in life, Buffy agrees to audit the classes Willow and Tara are taking until the next semester starts.

The Trio prepares for its competition to test Buffy, setting up their van with high-tech monitoring equipment.

At school, Buffy finds herself overwhelmed by a class she takes with Willow. Buffy later meets up with Tara for Art History, but before class begins Warren tags her with a tiny device that causes time to fast-forward. Buffy is dazed as the world whizzes around her; when she finally notices the device Warren planted on her, it self-destructs and puts Buffy back in normal time.

Buffy works with Xander at his construction job, telling him about the time situation at school before she is introduced to Tony, the boss. Andrew summons demons from the van, which trash the construction site before Buffy kills them. Unfortunately, Buffy knocks Tony unconscious and the construction men she saves refuse to admit they were saved by a girl. Xander gets mad at Buffy for bringing slaying to his work place but understands that something is happening. However, he is still forced to fire her.

Buffy learns about working at The Magic Box from Giles and Anya as Jonathan begins a spell to loop time until Buffy satisfies a customer. Buffy assists a man with a candle sale and then goes downstairs to fetch a live mummy hand for a female customer, but the hand attacks her and she is forced to kill it, which also kills the sale. Events start to repeat as Buffy must help the customers and fight the mummy hand over and over again, being reduced to tears out of frustration. She is stuck in an unsolved dilemma, but soon Buffy is able to end the spell by telling the woman she will order the hand instead of going downstairs to fight with the one they already have. Stressed out by the repeating time and the job itself, Buffy walks out. All the while, the three villains keep scores on their Buffy attacks.

Later that night, Buffy gets drunk with Spike at his crypt. Completely hammered, Buffy goes with Spike to a bar where he plays poker (using kittens as currency) and searches for information. After the poker game ends badly, Buffy rants to Spike about the new low her life has reached with her inability to understand school or get a decent job. Buffy and Spike notice a black van; the Trio notices Buffy approaching with alarm.

A fake demon appears from behind the van and threatens Buffy, but it is beaten down while the van drives away. With the use of smoke to confuse the slayer and vampire, the demon (Jonathan in disguise) runs away and complains to the Trio who realize they now have much information on Buffy's fighting style that can be used against her. Buffy begins to recover from her drunken state and complains to Giles about her life. He consoles her and offers her a cheque to help pay for all the expenses. Buffy says she is happy that Giles will always be there, but the look on Giles's face suggests that he might not always be.

Cultural references[edit]

• The title of the episode is a pun on the breakfast cereal Life.
• Logan's Run: When Warren plants the time dilation device on Buffy, he uses the codename 'Logan 5' and refers to Buffy as 'the runner.'
• Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch: During the time loop sequence, the Trio references the famous sketch with 'This mummy hand has ceased to be!' 'This is an ex-mummy hand!' This same sketch is also referenced when Buffy attempts to sell the stabbed mummy hand to the woman. The woman says the hand is now dead, only for Buffy to respond that it's just 'playing dead,' mimicking the shopkeeper's insistence to the customer in the Parrot Sketch that the parrot is still alive.
• Groundhog Day: The sequence in the Magic Box is similar to the film's main plot.
• Star Trek: The Next Generation: Andrew describes the time loop they have put Buffy into as being 'like that episode of TNG' in which the Enterprise-D continually explodes ('Cause and Effect').
• X-Files: Warren responds, 'Or Mulder, in that X-Files where the bank kept exploding' (Season 6 episode 'Monday').
• James Bond: The Trio has a protracted argument over actors who have played James Bond: Sean Connery, Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton. Warren insists that Moonraker was inexcusable. Dr. No, the first film of the Bond series, is also mentioned.
• Star Wars: Andrew spray paints a mural of the Death Star from Return of the Jedi on the side of the Trio's van, and the van's horn plays the Star Wars main theme.
• Tara makes reference to watching SpongeBob SquarePants with Willow to Buffy during Buffy's speed problems at college.
• The sculpture shown in the pages of Tara's 'Renaissance book' before her art appreciation class is called the Ecstasy of Saint Theresa, and is more accurately described as Baroque.
• Black vans similar to the one used by The Trio were used in Joss Whedon's other project Dollhouse.

Continuity[edit]

Arc significance[edit]

• Crossover with Angel: A meeting between Buffy and Angel takes place immediately before this episode (between the corresponding Angel episodes 'Carpe Noctem' and 'Fredless'). It is the subject of Jane Espenson's Buffy/Angel comic, Reunion.
• The good demon Clem, who will later befriend Buffy and the other Scoobies, appears for the first time playing kitten poker. He is credited as 'Loose Skinned Demon'.
• Buffy shows how she would rather hang out with Spike than the other Scoobies. The two now share common interests which will lead to their physical relationship later in the season.
• Though it could have been inferred from previous episodes, the specialties of all of the Trio members are established; Warren's is technology, Andrew's is demon summoning, and Jonathan's is magic.
• Although Buffy is back with the Watchers' Council, which pays its Watchers (including Giles) and appears to have financially supported other Slayers such as Kendra, no one appears to think of asking them to put Buffy on their payroll. This may be because Kendra was a one-off, or the show's creators wanted Buffy more grounded; to face financial crisis with no true 'happy ending'.

Reception[edit]

The Futon Critic named it the 15th best episode of 2001.^[1]

References[edit]

1. ^Brian Ford Sullivan (January 4, 2002). 'The 50 Best Episodes of 2001 - #20-11'. The Futon Critic. Retrieved August 2, 2010.

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External links[edit]

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• 'Life Serial' on IMDb
• 'Life Serial' at TV.com

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